Forty Eighteen

Does it make me anti-social if I don’t want to chat with the dentist while he’s working on my daughter’s teeth? He was asking me about my family’s summer plans (it’s JANUARY) and talking about our last visit when Bree was having her first ever cavity filled. She had a few tears trickle out from the corner of her eye because she was listening to music on her phone and heard a song that made her think about how much she didn’t want to be there. He kept laughing about it and rephrasing the “joke” so I would get it and start laughing with him.

I’m sorry, but I don’t want to laugh at my kid with you, Dr. Dentist. I’m sure he was just being social, but I found myself trying to come up with the least rude way to tell him to stop it! Maybe I’m not as nice as I think…

Although, come to think of it. This isn’t the only time I’ve had this issue where someone is laughing at my kids (in front of them!) and expecting me to join in. I know one person who does this EVERY time I see her… and when I don’t join in, she keeps trying harder and harder (makes fun of them even more) to get me to laugh along. It drives me insane.

Now don’t get me wrong. I think learning to laugh at yourself is an important life skill. But here’s the thing: laughing at yourself – or even with someone else about you – is one thing. Being mocked and humiliated is something else entirely. And when the mocking and humiliating is done by someone in your family, that’s even worse.

I passionately believe that my kids should be able to feel safe at home. And they should feel safe with me no matter where we are or who we are with. Why would they ever tell me what’s going on in their lives if they know it is going to become a punchline for the sake of a cheap laugh? How are they going to trust me with the big issues in their lives if I take any opportunity to make a joke of the small things?

I have to admit, I do post the fun things my kindergartener says on Facebook. I have a regular feature on my family blog called “Words with Chuck” that is simply full of quotable moments from her life. She is hilarious – and she knows it.

But I don’t post her failures as punchlines. I don’t post her struggles as juicy stories. And I certainly don’t post her mistakes as invitations for mocking.

She’s just naturally hilarious. The other day I was making dinner, and she was hanging out with me in the kitchen when she dropped what she was doing and walked to the back door. She threw open the door, blew kisses at the sky, and closed the door again. Then she turned to me and said, “Mom, I’m blowing kisses to Santa and Jesus!” Looks like she’s got all her bases covered.

So here’s my question for you: do you think there’s a difference between sharing a cute story and making fun of your kids? Does it bother you when people laugh at your kids – or is that just the mama bear in me? What do you do in that situation? What would you have said to Dr. Dentist if you were me?